Sometimes it’s hard moving through the Pagan writing spheres. You see all of these people doing these incredible things – godspouse! mystic! oracle! shaman! necromancer! witch! dreamwalker! sacred king/queen! priestess! – and you think to yourself, “wow, I wish I could do something Significant like that.” I mean, there are not many people who stand up and say “I want to be a layperson.” The enumerated types of people above occasionally throw a bone out to laypeople, mentioning their importance in passing or talking about how not everyone can be a spiritworker or the dangers of doing this stuff; but really, few people seem to want to be one. We all want to give and put out our very Best. We want to be tremendous, important, powerful, extraordinary…
[EDIT: Since making this post, there had been a flood of people talking about the important of non-spirit-workers in Paganism and a smaller wave of laypeople standing up and making their voices heard. This is awesome and I hope this trend continues!]
And so many of us miss that mark – of giving our very Best. We don’t aim high enough, or we give up because it’s hard, or we mistake the unimportant for the Truth and spend so much time chasing after that instead. We take the wrong path, because we can’t see how things like cooking or tending to the home can be so important when you spend your time reading about shamans and mystics and dreamwalkers…
And then some people, they think it is easy. They want to be “special” by virtue of being alive, not because of what they have to offer and hone. I’ve seen it too many times – “I want to be a priestess,” for example, followed by statements like “I’m so dedicated; I pray once a day!” or “Why can’t I hear my gods every time I pray to them?” or “I don’t feel special or loved enough by them,” or the conflation of magick with religion as if they are inseparable (and baffling “why do we worship the gods if we can do magick by ourselves?” remarks when you point out otherwise).
And when you look at all the things other people are doing… you can waste so much time trying do to that too. I know I spent quite a bit of time planning out my ceremonial magick education while a certain Owl was perched on my windowsill, tapping her beak against the glass. And I couldn’t hear the sound over the turning of pages in alchemical texts. (It wasn’t a complete waste of time though and is still something I’ll go back to – I want to read the Thoth tarot after all.) Our real heart’s desire can get drowned out by being intimidated by the impact of what everyone else is doing.
What I’m trying to say is, I think I found it. I’m a poet. I’m sorry it took two horse-gods breaking down the door to make me see that, but I feel like I don’t have to make up for lost ground? Which is weird to my high-anxiety mind. This feels like the right time to crush that container and distill what was inside into words. And then post those words on the internet.
I wanted to be a (fiction) writer once, in the 4th grade or so, because I was a much better and more enthusiastic writer than my classmates. But I looked at the works being written by other people more than double my age, and I realized I didn’t even hold a candle. So I gave up and let that dream die. (I could be a startlingly serious little girl.) But… while I still don’t think I’m up to stuff to public a fiction book… a book of poetry? Send me the publisher that would print wild Pagan poetry and I would not talk myself out of submitting a manuscript at the end of the year.
In closing, writing poetry as a major part of your spiritual practice/Work is totally a thing, and don’t feel lesser than any other person if that’s what your heart desires. Just, go and do it and weave beautiful shining words that please the gods and spirits.